I’d like your opinion

I wrote a short piece for the storypraxis website using the prompt of the day: red gorilla. I wondered if it would serve as the first chapter of a novel. What do you think?

The phoned screamed it’s malicious warning. Lady Jane instinctively snatched it off her bedside table.

“What time is it?” she snapped.

“Three,” came the voice on the other end of the line. It was Lou Morelli from the Organized Crime Taskforce.

“You asleep?” he asked.

“Sleep’s for pansies. What’s up?”

“The Red Gorilla knocked over Vibrant Pharmaceuticals. Stole some experimental new drug.”

Great, she thought. “Leads?”

“No. We’re cold. That’s why I called you.”

Ten minutes later she was on the road. What’s he want at Vibrant? she thought. Red Gorilla’s been trouble for years. He’s different from the others she’s busted. He’s twice the man with half the charm. And her ex.

Lady Jane pulled up at Amati’s Pizzaria. A drizzle started falling just to add character to the night. Inside she saw a man sitting at a booth. Actually, he’s more of a monster than a man. His pumpkin orange locks framed his chiseled face.

“You’re late,” he said.

“And you’re stupid. Now we’re even,” she snarled as she slipped in across from him across the booth.

“Am I? You might be surprised,” he said.

“I doubt it…” she started to say. The Red Gorilla threw a white powder in her face. The last thing she saw as her head smacked the table was his piercing pumpkin hair.

To be continued…?

By the way, check out the storypraxis website at

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, mystery, novel, storypraxis, writing, writing exercise and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s