Something Blue

Allison approached her wedding with her eyes wide open. Not everyone was thrilled with her forthcoming marriage. Her fiancé’s friends were mortified when their engagement was announced. Gary was a charter member of ‘Bachelors ‘til the Rapture’. That anyone, especially Gary, would be lured away from the fraternity was an unquestioned tragedy. Two days after he proposed, Gary’s friends published his obituary in the local paper.

The morning of the wedding Allison sent Kathy, her maid of honour, to Gary’s house to assess their preparations. The previous night the ‘Bachelors ‘til the Rapture’ held a wake for their esteemed colleague.

Kathy arrived with coffees for the group. She was greeted at the door by a sheepish Gary. Across his forehead was written ‘Help Me’ in toothpaste. Although toothpaste wipes off easily, the acidic paste burns the skin, leaving ‘Help Me’ in bright red. Kathy could hear the cackles of laughter behind the door.

Kathy was irritated, but not surprised. She remained calm, delivered her coffees and left. As she left she called Allison on her cell. There was no panic. Allison was prepared.

The wedding party gathered at the church thirty minutes before the wedding. The sanctuary was filling up quickly. The groomsmen appeared particularly nervous.

The best man wandered away to the bathroom.

Kathy did her best to break the tension. “Allison, I read this really interesting study connecting stressful social situations and hyper-inflamed prostatosis,” she said.

“Are you some kind of doctor?” asked a groomsman.

“Pharmacist,” replied Kathy. “Anyway, periods of extreme social stress can cause HIP in men with higher than normal testosterone levels. A key indicator is discolored urinary discharge.”

The best man reappeared, pale and sweaty.

“It’s very serious,” explained Kathy. “It could cause impotence, or worse.”

“I just peed blue,” the best man whispered to Gary. The other groomsmen huddled. Suddenly, they all bolted to the bathroom.

“Why do they always go to the bathroom in packs?” asked Allison.

A minute later cries bellowed from the bathroom. The best man ran to Kathy and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Tell me there’s a cure,” he said.

“Oh, there is, and it’s quite simple,” said Kathy. “I’ll let you have it after the wedding, only if you do exactly what Allison wants.”

The best man hugged Kathy. “Thank-you,” he sniveled. Kathy gave Allison a wink.

A few minutes later a bride’s maid pulled Kathy aside. “I don’t understand just what happened,” she said.

Kathy pulled a bottle from her purse. “Methylene blue. It’s quite harmless, but it turns urine bright blue. It was Allison’s idea.”

“When my wedding day comes, will you two be my maids of honour?”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, humor, humour, short fiction, short story, story, storypraxis, wedding and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Something Blue

  1. Jen-Jen says:

    This story is absolutely priceless! Good work!

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