Epic Fail

Three junior attorneys sat at a table eating lunch in the law firm’s cafeteria. They were killing time by swapping stories of epic fails.

“I have a friend…”

“Already I don’t believe you.”


“That you have a friend.”

“Okay, I had a friend, from my old neighborhood. He was nuts.”

“That I believe.”

“Quiet. Let him finish.”

“Thank-you,” said the first attorney, sarcastically. “Like I said, he was nuts. And fearless. One time, he ate a live scorpion just to gross people out. Another time, he took apple juice to the doctors. He had to give a urine sample, so he filled his specimen cup with the apple juice. In the middle of the waiting room he told the nurse he was thirsty, then he drank the specimen cup.”

“That’s nasty.”

“I know, right? Anyway, he decided to go on ‘Fear Factor’. If anyone could do it, it was this guy. He got on the show and had an epic fail.”

“What happened?”

“His girlfriend showed up during his challenge and proposed. He ran off the set, screaming, never to be heard from again. Turns out he was afraid of commitment.”

“Oh, snap!”

“That’s nothing,” said the second attorney. “I knew a guy who was a total genius. A major Mensa. Eidetic memory and everything. I mean, the guy knew everything. He broke the Harvard bell curve. One time he even made a professor cry, right in his own lecture hall.

“So he decided to go on ‘Jeopardy’. You know how they got two rounds, then final Jeopardy? Well, through the first two rounds the guy kills. He answers, like, everything. At the end of the second round he was ahead by twenty-five grand. But the guy gets greedy. The final Jeopardy category was ‘Famous Streets’, so he bets it all. Well, the question comes up and the guy totally blanks. Loses it all. Epic fail. Epic.”

“I thought you said he was a genius.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t have street smarts.”

“Oh, that hurts. That’s so bad,” said the third attorney.

“So? What’s your story then?”

The third attorney thought for a minute, then leaned forward. He looked carefully at the other two. “I got something, but mine’s actually true.”

“Alright. Lay it on us.”

“I know two guys who are so full of crap they spit brown.” He ducked under a barrage of flying french fries.

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in epic fail, fail, fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, short fiction, short story, story, storypraxis and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Epic Fail

  1. Bwahaha! Thank you for making my night/morning! Terribly funny and well written. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. 🙂

    • vanyieck says:

      Thanks. It was a good Christmas and the year’s going well so far. But it’s still early. I’ll keep you posted.

      I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year, too.

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