Wedded Bliss

“And finally tonight we go to Nick Carbuncle, who’s attending a very special event. Nick?” said Pete Peterson, anchor of the Action Three Newscast.

“Thanks, Pete. I’m here with Phil and Brenda Alvarado. Today they’re celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary. Congratulations, both of you. Tell me, what’s the secret to a long, successful marriage? Phil, we’ll start with you,” said Nick. He flashed a brilliant white smile to the camera. Dominic the cameraman rolled his eyes.

The elderly Phil Alvarado leaned slowly into the microphone. “Get married for love, stay for the senility.”

Nick laughed. “That’s classic. Brenda, what about you?”

“I keep a loaded gun in my bedside table. If he so much as touches me, I’ll blow his hand off,” said Brenda.

“Ouch, Phil.”

Phil snatched the mic from Nick’s hand. “What’d she say? I haven’t changed the batteries in my hearing aid in thirty years. I love the silence.”

“You’re awful,” said Brenda with a laugh.

Nick smiled at the camera as he fought for his mic. “You must’ve shared many wonderful memories, right? Vacations and stuff?”

“Vacations? I take lotsa vacations. I bring Brenda on every third one,” said Phil. Brenda nodded.

“Doesn’t that concern you Brenda? Don’t you get jealous?”

“No,” she said, “he doesn’t look at other women. I won’t let him have the cataract surgery.”

The couple laughed.

After a brief pulling match over the mic, Nick looked at Dominic for help. His cameraman just shrugged.

“Yeah, well, I’d stay home more often, but like I always said, Brenda’s not the worst cook in the world, but she’s cracked the top ten.”

Brenda slapped at his shoulder. “Oh, Phil, stop.”

Nick yanked the mic out of Phil’s hand and stepped to the side. “Well, you two just prove the power of love,” said Nick.

Phil scoffed. “Love? You’re crazy. Love isn’t that strong. If it were, we’d be normal. No, young man, it’s about commitment.”

“And loyalty,” added Brenda.

“They’re the same thing, mother.”

“They may be related, but they’re not the same thing.”

“Alright, but he gets the point.”

“Not if it isn’t clear. He’s not a mind reader.”

Phil flicked his hand at Brenda. “Oh, whatever.”

Nick moved directly in front of the couple. “Whatever it is, this couple looks like they’ll be together for another sixty years, God help them. For Action Three News, I’m Nick Carbuncle. Back to you, Pete.” The light form the camera dimmed as Dominic started packing up.

“Next time warn me that they’re senile, will ya? I can only stand so much crazy,” said Nick as they carried gear to the news van.

“That reminds me, when you were setting up, your ex called,” said Dominic.

“Which one?”

“Number three.”

“What’d she want?”

“She’s been fighting with your wife. Something about the kids.”

“Not again,” said Nick, as his shoulders drooped. “I swear, I shoulda never gotten married.”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, marriage, short fiction, short story, story and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Wedded Bliss

  1. Janet says:

    Wonderful humor, powerful message:)

  2. Hilarious! You gave me a much-needed laugh.

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