No Farms

“I’ll be your Facebook friend, on one condition,” said Luca.

“What’s that?”

“No farms- whatever,” said Luca. He couldn’t make his brain form the correct words. Afternoons always were his downtimes. They always made him cranky. “You know, those social farming games.”
Maria looked disappointed. “Why not? That’s half the fun of Facebook. Most of the office plays.”

“Yeah, well, I won’t,” snarfed Luca.

“Okay, it’s not that big a deal,” said Maria. “What’ve you got against them anyway?”

Luca looked around the office to see if anyone was eavesdropping. “I had a bad farming experience as a kid. I can’t even think of farming without reliving it. We were driving through North Dakota to visit relatives. Well, it’s flat and dull and my dad gets hopelessly lost, starts going up and down dirt roads. My mom wants him to stop and ask directions but he keeps saying he’s almost found the main road.”

“You hate social farming games because you got lost as a kid,” said Maria. “Really?”

“Just wait. In the middle of this field we come across this huge paved road. Dad figures he found the highway. But it’s, like, huge. Suddenly, this military cargo plane flies overhead and lands right in front of us. Then these hummers and helicopters pounce on us.”

“You’re making this up.”

“Cross my heart. Turns out we’d breached a secret nuclear military base. They arrest us, interrogate us for, like, hours. Mom kept asking them to beat dad for being stupid. Did you know that if North Dakota ceded from the union they’d be the third largest nuclear power? Our family’s still banned from going there,” said Luca. He took a long sip of his coffee.

Maria sat dumbfounded. “Look, if you don’t want to be my Facebook friend, just say so. Just forget I even asked.”

“Alright, then,” said Luca, as he walked back to his desk.

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About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in Facebook, fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, short fiction, short story, story and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to No Farms

  1. DEFINITELY trying this in real life.

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