The Green Thumb

Rolf stood in front of a stately brick house in an old part of town. The house was a gem in the middle of the grit of the industrial neighbourhood. The front yard was an explosion of floral colour.

“Wow. Where are we?” asked Rolf.

“It’s Willie’s place. We’ll just be here a sec.” said Clyde.

“His garden’s amazing,” said Rolf.

“Yeah. He’s way beyond, like, green thumb. He’s totally, green, like, digits or something,” said Clyde. “Wait til you see his back yard.”

Willie met them at the door and led them through the house to the back patio. Rolf’s eyes widened.

“Brownie?” Willie held a plate in front of Rolf and Clyde.

“Thanks,” said Rolf.

Clyde shook his head. “No thanks, I’m driving,” he said.

“What?” said Rolf.

“Check out his garden,” said Clyde. In the middle of Willie’s back yard garden was the front end of a new Dodge Charger.

“That’s not a plant. It’s just a grill with a vine wrapped around it,” said Rolf.

“No, man. I’m growing a car. Last year I grew a 1980 Mercury Grand Marquis station wagon,” said Willie, sipping on a glass of iced tea. “Have another brownie.”

“Thanks. These are awesome,” said Rolf. “How’d you do that? And why an old piece o’ crap like that?”

“I used heirloom seeds, man. I wouldn’t do it again, though. It totally took up the whole garden and it gets terrible miles to the gallon,” said Willie.

Rolf giggled.

“Are you growing a turntable? Beside the tomatoes,” said Clyde.

“Yeah, it’s for a DJ friend of mine,” said Willie.

“Could you grow me a new snowboard by winter? My old one’s busted,” said Clyde. “I got the seeds.”

“It’s a little late, but we can give it a try, man,” said Willie.

“Full sun.”

“No prob.”

Rolf was now on his fourth brownie. “No dude, half sun. Just cut it in half,” he said as broke out in hysterical laughter.

“You okay?” said Clyde. Willie sniffed a brownie, then shrugged.

“Can you grow me an iPad? Maybe and Xbox 360,” said Rolf once he settled down.

“Sorry, man. I need room for my radishes,” said Willie.

“Do they come with any cool games?” said Rolf.

Willie and Clyde shared a perplexed look.

“I’ll take a Radish 360, but only if it comes with ‘Call of Turnip 2’. ‘Kay?” Rolf laughed so hard he fell off his chair and passed out.

“What happened?” said Clyde.

“I dunno, man. I musta used the wrong fertilizer on the brownie bush,” said Willie.


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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