His Royal Highness

“I’m bored,” said Caedmon.

“How can you be bored? We’ve got a ton of work to do. The presentation’s not gonna do itself,” said Andy.

“I’m not talking about that. I mean about life in general. Like, was this what you hoped to be doing when you grew up?”

“I totally wanted to claw my way to middle management, peddle adult diapers to nursing homes. What’re you talkin’ about?” said Andy.

“Exactly.”

“I’m serious, man. The country’s gettin’ older. You wanna talk job security? Folks start out life in diapers, and ‘cause of us, they end their life in ‘em, too,” said Andy.

“But is that what life’s about? Job security? What about adventure? Taking the road less travelled?” said Caedmon.

“What about a wife and kids? A mortgage and bills and dog? Face it Caed, adventure’s what we get when the kids get sick and the car breaks down,” said Andy.

“What if I want more?”

“That’s what weekends are for. Take up a hobby. Fly a kite. Build model boats. There are many roads to happiness,” said Andy.

“Actually, I have a better idea.”

“Why does that scare me?”

“Hear me out. The other night my wife made me watch ‘House Hunters International’ where these people bought a place in Belize,” said Caedmon.

“You’re going to move to Belize?”

“No. Listen. It gave me this great idea. There are abandoned oil rigs all over the Gulf of Mexico. I thought, why not buy one and create my own micronation? It could be my own little kingdom,” said Caedmon.

Andy held a tissue over his nose and mouth.

“What’re you doing?” said Caedmon.

“Just in case whatever you got’s contagious,” said Andy.

“I’m not diseased. Listen, haven’t you ever dreamed of being a king or something?”

“No.”

“I think it’d be so cool. I could have my own flag for the Kingdom of Caedmonia. Set up tourism as the royal economy. C’mon, you gotta love it,” said Caedmon.

Andy stared blankly at Caedmon.

“You gotta love it,” said Caedmon. “Tell me you don’t.”

“I’ll tell you what. If you do all that I’ll be the first visitor to your kingdom. In the meantime could your royal highness help me with this presentation?” said Andy.

“Okay. Say, I like that ‘royal highness’ talk. Could you do that all the time?” said Caedmon.

“No.”

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About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, short fiction, short story, story and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to His Royal Highness

  1. Man this made me smile, a sad smile. I ACTUALLY sell diapers. And these are my exact thoughts. Cheers 🙂

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