Investing in the Surreal World

Perry slipped into his seat across from Norm. They were relaxing in the lounge at their curling club. They’d been playing on the same rink for years. Behind them eager curlers were vigorously sweeping up and down the ice.

“It was something to see,” said Norm. He took a sip of his coffee.

“What was?”

“The downgrade of the US credit rating.”

“Oh yeah. I’m not really worried about stuff like that,” said Perry.

“Why’s that?”

“I figured out this investing thing a long time ago,” said Perry.

Norm sat up. “Really.”

“Sure. Twelve years ago I bought a couple a lakes connected by a river.”

Norm frowned.

“It’s the smartest investment,” said Perry.

“Real estate.”

“Not just. Lakes.”

“Okay, explain this brilliant investment strategy,” said Norm.

Perry looked around to see if anyone was eavesdropping. He leaned forward across the table to Norm.

“You want to keep your investments liquid.”

“Oh, come on.”

“And you want to keep your portfolio diversified. That’s why I bought two,” said Perry.

“Should I even ask why they need to be joined by a river?”

“Revenue stream.”

Norm rubbed his face. “You know, puns are the lowest for of humor.”

“Great. That means they’re affordable.”

Norm rolled his eyes. “I wonder about you. So what’re your plans in the real world?”

Perry gave Norm a quizzical look. “Why in Sam Hill would I want to be in the real world? Economies all over the globe are collapsing. Some people are still trying to kill us just because we’re not them. The world’s angrier, busier and dirtier than ever before. You can slog your way through the real world if you want to, but I’ll be off fishing in my lakes.”

Norm slumped back in his seat. “Huh.”

“That’s right.”

Norm scratched his chin. For a few seconds he listened to the sound of granite stones sliding down the ice. “So, who’s your realtor?”