Opposable Thumbs

Wade was in a dead sleep when Julia stormed up the stairs calling his name. He was genuinely annoyed because she interrupted his favorite dream. He was Armadillo Man, a super hero with alien armor plating.

“Wade, Wade, oh please, wake up,” said Julia. She was frantic.

Wade tried to ignore her and return to his dream. It was no use. The dream was lost to the deepest recesses of the night.


“There’s a huge raccoon on the back porch. It’s just sitting there, staring at me. What’re we gonna do?” said Julia.

“We? I plan to sleep ‘til it goes away,” said Wade. He rolled over in one last desperate attempt to avoid the day.

Julia pushed him over. “Please. We have to get him to move. My breakfast is outside. And the iPad.”

“C’mon. Why’d you do that?”

“It’s beautiful this morning. I wanted to enjoy it. Please? I’ll make you breakfast,” said Julia, sweetly.

Wade rolled out of bed and stumbled, half asleep, down to the back door. He grabbed a wooden handled broom.

Julia stopped him when he got to the door. “Be careful.”

“It’s just a raccoon. It’ll probably just run away,” said Wade.

The door closed behind Wade. Julia cringed and turned away. She heard Wade yell. The raccoon hissed. There was a crash, a loud commotion, then a long scream.

Wade burst back into the house and locked the door. His eye was already black and blood streamed from his broken nose.

“Thumbs. I forgot they have opposable thumbs,” said Wade, breathlessly.

Julia grabbed a towel and led him to the sink.

“My hero,” she said.

Wade looked at Julia with his one good eye. “Can I go back to bed, now?”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, husband, opposable thumbs, raccoon, short fiction, short story, story, wife and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Opposable Thumbs

  1. patiekaige says:

    Ahahahaha Brilliant 😀

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