Hokey Pokey Banking

Arland and Travis stood from behind the counter and looked at the line that stretched to the door of the bank. It was noon, when business people spent their lunch hours running personal errands. The two tellers watched as a middle aged businessman burst through the door, saw the long line and grumbled loudly.

“See that guy?” whispered Travis.

“Yeah. I’ve had him a couple of times. What a jerk,” said Arland.

“I know. One time he called me an insignificant cog. He said he buys and sells guys like me every day,” said Travis.

“Get out. No way. Really?”

“He thinks he’s the big business man. Do me a favor. Make sure I serve him, okay? I’ve got an idea,” said Travis.

The two tellers served customer after customer, all the time keeping an eye on the businessman. He stood in line, constantly checking his watch and sighing loudly. Eventually, the businessman stood in front of Travis.

“Hello, please insert your bank card in the terminal,” said Travis pleasantly.

“I know what to do,” said the businessman shortly.

Travis turned to Arland and winked. The businessman typed in his pass code.

“Come on, come on,” he said impatiently.

“Sir, we have a new safety feature with this branch,” said Travis.

“What now?”

“Sir, our new voice recognition system will ensure an added measure of safety to your account. This will only take a second,” said Travis.

“Voice recognition?”

“Oh, yes sir. It’s cutting edge technology. All you need to do is speak into the terminal. Microphones hidden in the terminal attach a voice imprint into your card. Voices are virtually impossible to counterfeit.”

“So, what do I do then? I can’t be here all day. I have things to do,” said the businessman.

“Alright, then. Let’s get to it. Studies show that singing provides a voice pattern that’s harder to trace. We have our customers sing the same song, just to keep things consistent.”

“This is stupid.”

“Sir, it’s for you protection.”

“Alright, then. Let’s get this over with.”

“We have people sing something most people know. Please softly sing ‘Hokey Pokey’ onto the terminal.”

“I beg your pardon? I don’t think so.”

Arland listened into the conversation as he served customers. When he heard Travis mention ‘Hokey Pokey’, he suppressed a laugh with a cough. Travis shot him a sinister look.

“Sir, if you’d rather leave your account unprotected, that’s your decision. I assumed you’d want to anything you could do to protect your investments,” explained Travis.

The businessman scowled. “Fine.” He looked around the bank. “You put your right foot in, you take you right foot out…”

“Huh. This microphone’s not picking up your voice. Maybe sing a little louder.”

The businessman glared at Travis. “You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out,” he sang louder. A couple of customers snickered as he sang. Arland coughed again.

“One more time? That’ll give us a baseline. That should set up the security protocol.”

“You out your right foot in…”

“Louder,” said Travis without looking at the businessman. He pretended to be working hard at his computer.

“You put your right foot it, you take your right foot out…”

As he sang, the rest of the bank stopped to listen.

“That’s great. We’ve set up your security protocol.”

The businessman stopped. He was greeted by a round of applause. Travis grinned. The businessman grew red faced. He finished his banking and quickly left.

After the noon rush Arland pulled Travis aside. “The next time he comes in, you should make him do the dance.”

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in banking, fiction, flash fiction, Hokey Pokey, humor, humour, short fiction, short story, singing, story and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Hokey Pokey Banking

  1. elroyjones says:

    Terrific ending! I laughed.

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