The Perils of ‘Word of the Day’ Toilet Paper

a98443_end-world_5-toilet-paper

Andy walked back to his cubicle rubbing his jaw. He stopped at CJ’s desk. CJ was on the phone, rolling his eyes as he listened. Andy waited until CJ hung up the phone.

“‘Sup,” said CJ.

“Becky’s lost it.”

“What?”

“She slapped me in the face. Smack!”

“Why?”

“Dunno, man. But I promise you, I’m pressin’ charges,” said Andy.

“Harassment?”

“Nah, she just hit me. For no reason.”

“No. You.”

Andy held up his hands in defense. “Nuh uh. I didn’t do nuthin’. I’m tellin’ ya.”

“Details.”

“All we were doin’ was talkin’. I needed a buzz break, so I jonesed off for a joe, ya know?”

“Totally.”

“So while my coffee was brewin’ Becky came in. We were talkin’ ‘bout how busy we were ‘n stuff. Like how we were pullin’ down big overtime. She looked way tired.”

“And.”

“It was nothin’. I said she looked paunchy.”

CJ raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t go all Spock on me. What?”

“Fat.”

“No. Tired. Paunchy.”

“Fat.”

“Serious?”

“Serious.”

“Wait a sec,” said Andy. His eyes drifted up and to the right. “No. Paunchy means tired. I’m sure.”

CJ slowly shook his head ‘no’.

“Yeah. I got this ‘word of the day’ toilet paper. It helps me expand my vocab. I remember, I think,” said Andy. A pained expression spread across his face.

CJ wasn’t looking at Andy. He was typing on his phone. He held it up and showed Andy.

“Paunchy. Having a potbelly.” The colour drained from Andy’s face. “Oh no. I dunno, I mean, I’ve been going through a lot o’ TP lately. Stress n’ all. Oh crap.”

“Harassment.”

Andy stood frozen.

“Breathe,” said CJ.

Andy looked wild-eyed around the office. “I gotta go. I gotta do somethin’.”

CJ watched Andy storm off toward the break room.

“Imbecile,” said CJ. He picked up his keyboard and started typing.

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About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, office, short fiction, short story, story, toilet paper and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Perils of ‘Word of the Day’ Toilet Paper

  1. floridaborne says:

    Definitely not a Charmin’ fellow.

  2. Good day! This is my first visit to your blog!

    We are a team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community
    in the same niche. Your blog provided us useful information to work on.
    You have done a outstanding job!

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