“Good evening, and welcome to ‘Wild Kingdom’,” said the narrator as the camera focused on a man with an obvious comb-over. On the stage behind him a trio was playing smooth jazz.
“We’re here witnessing a rare sight indeed. We’re in the land of the lounge lizards, an endangered species. Lounge lizards are attracted to these places, mostly hotel lounges by airports, to find a mate.”
A woman entered and approached the bar. Three lounge lizards snapped to attention. In near unison they called out, “Hey bay-bee, hey bay-bee!”
“Listen to their their mating call. The three will now posture against each other for the right to impress the female. You can tell the alpha male. He’s the one wearing the gold shark’s tooth chain and polyester shirt unbuttoned to his belly. See how he approaches the female and offers her a drink.”
The lounge lizard leaned against the bar and set a drink in front of the woman. She responded with a roll of her eyes. “Your feet must be tired, ‘cause you’ve been running through my mind all night,” he said. She picked up the drink and threw it in his face.
“Oh, tough luck. And it’s getting harder for lounge lizards. With the rise of new musical styles and the growing esteem of women, their habitats are shrinking. In the near future the lounge lizard my disappear completely. Surprisingly, few people seem to care.
“Join us next week as we observe the alarming rise of the North American Cougar. Good night.”