The Evolution of Road Rage


Weekends were already too short. Hugo didn’t want to waste more time getting caught in traffic. He needed to hurry up and relax before another five days of monotony.

Hugo snapped when he was delayed on the way to Home Depot. A police officer stopped him at an intersection to allow another marathon to impose its will on an unsuspecting city.

Hugo loathed jogging. His evolutionary mind couldn’t grasp the need for anyone to run voluntarily. Joggers weren’t fleeing from predators. Jogging isn’t a mating ritual. It didn’t advance the species in any way. Hugo was convinced the mob of joggers that bumbled past the hood of his SUV were the result of a recessive genetic mutation.

Humanity moved well beyond the need for exertive bipedal locomotion. Their minds conceived and produced far more efficient means of transportation. Reverting back to jogging was a smack against everything Hugo believed. As he sat in his SUV, waiting for the horde to pass, he convinced himself that he’d be doing humanity a favor by running them over. Only the strong survive. In this case, only the intelligent survive.

Just then, the police officer waved him through a gap in the joggers. They were lucky, Hugo told himself. He passed through the intersection. There was a Starbucks on the next corner. Hugo pulled into parking lot and asked himself, what would the evolutionarily enlightened do? Drink a caramel macchiato. The caffeine and sugar would most certainly calm him down and advance the species.


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, jogging, road rage, short fiction, short story, story and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Evolution of Road Rage

  1. misskzebra says:

    This made me laugh. Caramel Macchiatos are the beverage that helped me survive exam season, they are indeed an enlightened choice.

    One thing, in the second paragraph, I think “it’s” should be “its”?

    I had to do an essay on nutritional advice for marathon runners and it’s beyond me why anyone would bother. 😛

    • vanyieck says:

      The lure of jogging has alway eluded me. Coffee, on the other hand, is a wondrous thing.

      I think you’re correct about the ‘its’ versus ‘it’s’. I always mix them up.

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