The Five Year Plan

Unknown

 

The long pause between Kitty Horton and the Human Resources Manager was oddly settling. Kitty enjoyed silence. She believed they were opportunities to play thought games, like trying to figure out what her interviewer did as a hobby.

 

Kitty examined her closely as she read Kitty’s application. Kitty was leaning toward Highland folk dancing.

 

“Well, Ms. Horton, where do you see yourself in five years?”

 

“I’d like to be in a documentary,” said Kitty. Her expression was earnest.

 

“I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly? Did you say documentary?” said the HR Manager as she looked at Kitty over her glasses.

 

“Like one of the PBS ones that Ken Burns did on the Civil War. Maybe as part of the ‘American Masters’ series. It’ll be narrated by Susan Sarandon.”

 

“I wasn’t aware that your life was worthy of a documentary.”

 

“Not so far, but you were asking about the future. I dream big,” said Kitty.

 

“Alrighty then,” said the HR Manager with eyebrows raised. She shuffled her papers. “Do you have any hobbies? We encourage our associates to be well rounded individuals.”

 

“Absolutely. My friend Marcy and I do this thing. It’s awesome. We go to really public places and crazy glue coins to the ground and secretly film people trying to pick them up. It’s hilarious,” said Kitty.

 

The HR Manager stared at her intensely. “Why do that?” she asked.

 

“We post it on Youtube. People love it. We’ve had, like, millions of views.”

 

The HR Manager’s face grew red. “What about the people you humiliate? Have you ever thought about them?”

 

“Oh, they’re anonymous. We obscure their faces. That way we cover our butts against lawsuits.”

 

“Well, just last week I fell victim to that very same prank.”

 

Kitty’s eyes grew wide. “Really? Where?”

 

“Spencer Franklin Park.”

 

Kitty clapped her hands and laughed. “That was us. Wait, which one were you?” She looked closely at the HR Manager. Kitty’s mouth dropped open. “You were the one who got run over by the baby carriage.”

 

“Yes, I was. I still have the bruises to prove it.”

 

“That’s awesome.”

 

“I don’t think so.”

 

“Sure it is. You know how the gag works. Marcy just moved to San Antonio, so I’m left hanging. Want to help me do more videos?”

 

The HR Manager sat back reeling in her chair. “You want me to help you humiliate people just like you humiliated me?”

 

“It’s a lot funnier from our side of the camera,” said Kitty.

 

The HR Manager thought for a second. “Yeah, okay. By the way, you’re hired,” she said, shaking Kitty’s hand.

 

Kitty nodded her head and smiled. “Tell me this isn’t documentary worthy.”

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About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, five year plan, flash fiction, humor, humour, short fiction, short story, story and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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