Mortuary Love


Its hard to say life is good when you are a funeral director, but that’s precisely how Claude felt. Years of study and apprenticeship were finally beginning to pay off.

When Claude graduated from high school, his dad sat him down and gave him a valuable piece of advice.

“Son, find a career with job security. It doesn’t matter what it is. You do that and its one headache you’ll avoid your whole life.”

With seven billion people currently scurrying across the surface of the globe, Claude felt as secure as a man could feel.

With his career in order. Claude focused his attention on his love life. After weeks of searching through profiles on, he contacted a young woman. Messages were sent back and forth. Finally, a first date was arranged. Claude felt a fluttering of excitement in the pit of his stomach, the likes of which he hadn’t felt since his first dissection in mortuary school.

Thirty minutes before he was to leave, Claude walked through the preparation room of the funeral home. He passed a body waiting embalming, when the corpse had an involuntary muscle contraction. The arm of the body swung straight out from the table, catching Claude right in the family jewels. Claude fell forward, whimpering. He landed by the legs of the deceased. He looked up just in time to see a leg swing up into his face. The room flashed white, then black.

The next thing Claude knew, he was on the floor. It was an hour later. His groin throbbed in pain and dried blood covered his face and shirt. He only had a few minutes until his date, so he hurriedly mopped up his face and changed.

Claude met Holly at The Whistling Gravedigger. His face was black and blue and he walked with a noticeable limp.

“Were you in an accident? asked Holly with concern.

Claude hesitated. “I was roughed by a dead body,” he mumbled.

Holly’s expression morphed from concern to laughter. She rolled up her sleeve to show a bruise on her fore arm. “A ninety year old body can still pack a wallop.”

Claude smiled. At that moment, he knew he had found The One.


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in fiction, flash fiction, funeral home, humor, humour, love, mortuary, romance, short fiction, short story, story and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Mortuary Love

  1. Elan Mudrow says:

    Nice work! I enjoyed your writing style.
    check out:

  2. Tony Trudgian says:

    You were dead on with that story!!!! I hope Claude’s date didn’t have a dead end, hope he lived happily ever after life.

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