Christmas Spirit For The Next Generation

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Three days before Christmas and the mall was in chaos. Dirk sat at the entrance of the food court and smiled at the frenzied mob that passed by. Melanie sat across from him, sipping on a candy cane latté.

“This is my favorite time of year,” Dirk said to Melanie.

“Christmas sucks,” said Melanie.

Dirk rolled his eyes. “Not Christmas. The last week before Christmas. I mean, look at all these miserable people. You can almost feel a brawl breaking out any second.”

“That makes sense. You had me worried there for a minute.”

“I also love Black Friday. Or as I call it, MMA for the real world.”

Melanie laughed. “Absolutely. Best spectator sport in the world.”

“Hey, do you wanna play a game?”

“No.”

“It’s fun. It’s called ‘guess what’s in the bag’. I’ll teach it to you,” said Dirk.

Melanie shrugged. “Whatever.”

“It’s easy. You look at a bag someone’s carrying and guess what they bought.”

“But how do you find out what’s inside?”

Dirk shook his head disappointedly at Melanie. “It’s not about knowing what they bought. It’s about being funny. What’s the matter with you?”

“The season’s got me off my game, so sue me,” said Melanie.

“Fine. Let me give you an example. See that guy carrying the Body Shop bag?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not sure what he bought, but it makes you wonder how much a body’s selling for, right?”

Melanie. “That was lame to average.”

“Fine. Your turn. There’s a guy carrying a bag from The Discovery Store. What’s in the bag?” asked Dirk.

Melanie squinted as she thought. “Components for an IED.”

“Ouch.”

“I thought’s that’s what you wanted.”

“Yeah, but dang.”

“Dang? Gosh, Opie. Watch your language,” said Melanie. She had a fire in her eye.

At that moment an ancient looking woman shuffled by, carrying a bag from Victoria Secret.

“Oooo, what did she buy?” asked Melanie.

Dirk cringed. “I got an image in my head of her in lingerie. Ew. Get it out. I need mental floss.”

Melanie laughed out loud. “I win.”

“I don’t think I like this season any more.”

“That’s because you’re a sore loser.”

“And you’re vicious, cynical and cold.”

Melanie smiled. “That’s the best Christmas gift you’ve even given me.”

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About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
This entry was posted in Black Friday, Body Shop, Christmas, Christmas spirit, fiction, flash fiction, humor, humour, mall, MMA, shopping, short fiction, short story, story, The Discovery Store, Victoria Secret and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Christmas Spirit For The Next Generation

  1. Tony Trudgian says:

    Thanks for the “visual”! Now I can spend today trying to remove it from MY head! Good story!

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