Brandon walked into the archery club with a goofy grin on his face. He didn’t get a word out of his mouth before his friends pounced.
“Uh oh. That can’t be good,” said Rufus, pointing at Brandon’s face.
“Listen, man. I told you that boy was a trouble magnet,” said Kevin.
“What are you talking about?” asked Brandon.
“No cat wears a smile like that unless he’s got canary feathers stuck in his teeth,” said Kevin.
“You’re an idiot,” said Brandon.
Rufus pensively examined Brandon. “No, I think Kevin’s right. You did something, or are about to do something stupid.”
“I think the boy’s in love,” said Kevin.
Brandon’s face flushed.
“Wow. Did you actually blush? Wear panties much?” asked Rufus.
“Shut up,” said Brandon. “It’s nothing like that.”
“What is it then?” asked Kevin.
Brandon looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “If I say something, you have to promise not to get on my case about it.”
Kevin threw up his hands. “I make no promises.”
“C’mon, I’m serious,” said Brandon.
Rufus and Kevin consulted with each other.
“Now, I know this is gonna be something juicy,” whispered Kevin.
“Yeah, but he won’t tell us anything if he knows we’re gonna bust his chops about it,” replied Rufus.
Kevin shrugged. “I still can’t make any promises.”
“Fair enough,” said Rufus. They turned to Brandon. “We will hear your soul-rending secret.”
“And you won’t mock me or make fun of me in any way?” asked Brandon.
“I promise,” said Rufus.
Kevin hesitated. “I promise to hear you out before I decide.”
“Fair enough. Have you ever been attracted…”
“To a farm animal?” Kevin interrupted.
Rufus smacked Kevin in the shoulder. “Shut it. Our dear brother here is about to pour out his soul. Continue.”
Brandon glared at Kevin. “As I was saying, have you ever found yourself attracted to a cartoon character?” He was met by stunned silence.
“Like, sexually?” asked Kevin.
Brandon shrugged. “Like, yeah. Kinda.”
“I know it’s been rough lately, but, dude,” said Kevin.
“Hold it a second. Do you mean like the Wilma versus Betty debate?” asked Rufus.
“The what?” asked Kevin.
“Who’s hotter, Wilma Flintstone or Betty Rubble?” said Rufus. “I’ve always been a Betty man, myself.”
Kevin looked at Rufus in shock and horror. “Dude, how can you say that? It’s Wilma all the way.”
“That’s what I’m talking about,” said Brandon.
“Okay, but how attracted are you?” asked Rufus.
“You’re not into anything kinky, right?” asked Kevin.
“No, man. I was just wondering if it was weird,” said Brandon.
“Well, when you think about it, the way they photoshop women in magazines, they’re practically cartoons,” said Rufus. “They’re certainly not real.”
“I wanna know how kinky this is. What are we talkin’ here?” asked Kevin.
Brandon hesitated. “I have a couple of posters of Harley Quinn. And a few statues.”
“How many in a few?” asked Rufus.
“Sixteen. And a bank,” said Brandon.
“Dude, you’re quickly slipping into ‘subject of a documentary’ territory,” said Kevin.
Brandon’s face lit up. “You think this could make me famous? That would be awesome.”
Rufus shook his head. “Now that’s twisted.”
“Are you sure I can’t mock him?” asked Kevin.
“What?” asked Brandon, defensively.
Rufus turned to Brandon. “Walk away, dude. Just walk away.”