The Commencement Address


Brent hoped for this day his whole life. It was a bucket list item. He was asked by his old high school to speak at the graduation. Years dedicated to the funeral business finally paid off.

The graduation was a typically solemn affair. Graduates we dressed in black robes and teary eyes. Just prior to the commencement was the scheduled time for Brent’s address. He stood before the audience, cleared his throat and offered the best advice he knew.

“Distinguished guests, graduates, there’s no doubt you’ll all go your separate ways after this moment, so here’s the best advice I’ve got. In this life, there are three people you need to know: secretaries, janitors and computer techs. Secretaries know all the right people and the ways to meet them. If you treat them well, there’s no one you can’t reach. Janitors have all the keys. No doors are closed to janitors. They can get you into virtually anywhere. Finally, get to know a good computer tech. This is especially important if you’re computer illiterate. If you get to know these three people, you’ll go far.” When he finished, Brent returned to his seat.

The confused school district superintendent turned to Brent and said, “Is that all?”

Brent thought for a second, then snapped his fingers. “Oh yes, I almost forgot. Be nice to funeral directors. The last thing you want is to look bad at your own funeral.”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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