The Diet

“I’ve made up my own diet. It’s totally awesome,” said Moonbeam. Her El Salvadoran maid Esmeralda set a plate of charred toast before her.

“Ew. Your maid totally  ruined your brunch,” scoffed Grape.

“No, that’s the diet. Isn’t it awesome?”

“You’re on a burned toast diet?” Asked Grape. Esmeralda set a bowl of red grapes in front of her.

“It’s not just toast. You burn everything. It takes the calories out of the food even before you eat them,” explained Moonbeam.

“I don’t get it.”

“Well, duh. Everybody talks about burning calories doing exercise n’ stuff. I thought, why not burn the calories before you eat them?”

Grape’s face lit up. “You’re a genius.”

“I know, right?”

“I still don’t get it,” said Grape.

“Calories burn, so why not burn them even before you put them in your mouth?”

“Oh. That totally makes sense. Esmeralda,” said Grape. Esmeralda appeared as if from out of the wall. “Burn my grapes.”

Esmeralda hesitated. “Excuse me, ma’am?”

“Are you deaf? I’m going to try Moonbeam’s diet.”

Without a word, Esmeralda took away Grape’s bowl. She entered the kitchen, met the chef and explained the demand. The chef scowled.

“I know,” said Esmeralda. “I can’t believe I risked my life for this, either.”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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