Hurt Feelings


Rex flopped on the living room couch and loosened his tie.

“Rough day?” asked Lindsay as she sat down beside him.

“I got called to Human Resources today.”

“You didn’t get fired did you?” laughed Lindsay.

Rex gave her a gloomy look.

“You didn’t get fired did you?” asked Lindsay. He question became much more serious.

“I was officially reprimanded.”

“What did you do?”

Rex sighed. “A few days ago I told a joke. Someone claimed it hurt their feelings.”

“What was the joke?”

“What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?”

“I don’t know. What?”

“Put it on my bill.”

Lindsay snickered. “That’s terrible. I can’t believe you told that.”

“Why? What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s corny and lame.”

Rex shrugged. “And apparently offensive.”

Lindsay tilted her head and frowned. “I don’t get that.”

“Someone claimed it was demeaning to alumni from the University of Oregon.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“Oregon’s mascot is a duck,” explained Rex.

“It understand that part. I just don’t see how it hurts someone’s feelings.”

Rex shrugged. “I guess I’ll find out when I take the mandatory sensitivity training.”


“If it happens again I get fired,” said Rex. He dropped his head in Lindsay’s lap.

“Let’s watch some mind numbing TV to get your mind off it, okay?” She clicked to cable news.

“…We’re following the events as they unfold in Paris. Here’s what we know right now. At least 30 are dead in what are now called coordinated attacks at several locations on Paris’ 11th District. From what we’re being told that number is sure to rise…”

Rex and Lindsay sat in wide-eyed horror for the next hour and a half.

Eventually Lindsay turned to Rex. “What do you think?”

Rex’s expression was stoic. “Those terrorists are gonna be in such trouble for hurting people’s feelings.”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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