“I’m telling you, it’s a great idea,” declared Julia.
Clement entered the lunchroom just as things heated up.
“It won’t work, right?” Ivan asked Amy. She shrugged in reply.
“What won’t work?” asked Clement.
“You know how they have those dating websites? What if they had one that matched people with careers?” asked Julia.
“Those already exist,” said Ivan, raising his voice.
“Those are just job sites. My idea’s better. You fill out a profile that reveals your aptitudes. It cross references with careers currently in demand and then outlines the steps to achieve that career.”
“It’s an interesting idea,” said Amy.
“Ridiculous. It’s impossible to do,” spat Ivan.
“It’s no more ridiculous than a dating website. I even have a name. C-Harmony. The ‘C’ stands for career,” said Julia.
Ivan drummed on the table and looked to the corner of the lunchroom. Gertrude sat at a table by herself, reading a book. “Could you find a better career for Gertie over there?”
Amy laughed. “If you could do that you’d be a miracle worker.”
Clement frowned. “What’s wrong with Gertrude?”
Ivan chuckled. “You’ve never met Weird Gertie?
“Never had the pleasure,” said Clement.
Julia leaned in and whispered, “She’s a lepidopterist.”
“Is it contagious?” Clement whispered back.
“Her hobby is raising butterflies. Once they hatch she releases them,” explained Julia.
“How does someone get into that?” mused Clement.
“It helps when you have no life,” quipped Amy.
“It’s like the lady I just met in the park. She feeds pigeons so they gather into a flock. She does it to help the falcons and hawks hunt,” explained Clement. He was greeted by the sound of all the air being sucked out of the room.
“That’s disgusting,” bawled Julia.
“That’s awesome,” replied Ivan.
“Please stop talking. It offends my feelings,” demanded Amy.
“Predators gotta eat, too,” laughed Clement.
“Enough!” shouted Amy. It was such a violent reaction that even Gertrude stopped reading. “I don’t wanna hear any more of your insensitive patriarchal babble. Talk like that hinders the peace I seek with all living things.”
Clement shot a skeptical glance at Julia. “Is she serious?”
“Fundamental human rights belong to all creatures, especially the right to live free from fear and oppression,” said Amy.
“Then how would the hawks and falcons survive?” asked Ivan.
“They become vegetarian,” said Amy.
“How would that work?” demanded Clement.
“Duh. They evolve,” said Amy.
The room was left in stunned silence. Gertrude shook her head and went back to her book.
“That’s right,” declared Amy. “You have nothing to say.”
Clement turned around and left the room.
Ivan turned to Julia. “Your idea still won’t work.”