If Lunch Was a Surrealist Painting


“I love Youtube,” announced Rex in the office lunch room.

“If you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” asked Brian.

Lynn rolled her eyes. “You know that’s the worst joke ever.”

“Maybe it isn’t a joke,” replied Brian with a sly grin. “Don’t mock someone’s love. Love is not a crime.”

“Oh please.”

“Anyway,” interrupted Rex, “Youtube. I swear, you people have the attention span of over-caffeinated terriers.”

“Squirrel!” yelled Lynn. Brian laughed.

Rex shook his head and pushed away from the table.

“What?” asked Brian.

“I’m done. I don’t know why I talk to you.”

“C’mon, Rex. Tell us why you love Youtube,” pleaded Lynn.

“No way.”

“We’ll be good. Promise,” grinned Brian.

“Nuh uh.”

“Please,” said Brian in his most pathetic tone.

“Please,” added Lynn. “We wanna know. Really.”

Rex relented and sat back down. He leaned forward and spoke in a half whisper. Lynn and Brian responded with urgency.

“Yesterday I found a bunch of videos showing how to make rings out of coins,” said Rex.

The excitement dropped.

“So?” asked Brian.

“I thought you were gonna talk about a conspiracy or something,” added Lynn.

“Youtube’s full of videos on how to make stuff,” said Brian.

“But these were cool. One guy made a ring in two minutes. He did it right in front of you. In real time,” explained Rex.

Lynn considered this. “I suppose it’s better than doing it in imaginary time.”

“Or surreal time,” said Brian.

“What would that look like?” asked Lynn.

“The coin would melt like a spaghetti noodle,” said Brian. “You know, like in a Salvador Dali painting.”

“Spaghetti noodles don’t melt. You know that, right?” asked Lynn.

“It’s a figure of speech,” explained Brian.

“Oh. Okay.”

“Squirrel!” shouted Rex.

“Where?” asked Brian. He looked around the room excitedly.

“I really don’t like you sometimes,” moaned Rex.

“Right. Coin rings are cool,” said Lynn.

“Did you know it’s a crime to deface currency?” asked Brian.

“They don’t enforce it,” said Rex.

“Isn’t that a fine excuse?” scolded Lynn. “Ignore the laws they don’t enforce, why don’t you. Where does that lead? Anarchy, that’s where. Is that what you want?”

“I didn’t say I was making them,” said Rex.

“But you watched them. That makes you an accessory,” said Brian.

“Any by telling us, we’ve become accessories to your accessory,” said Lynn.

“This isn’t what I signed up for when I sat down for lunch,” said Brian.

“I feel so dirty,” said Lynn.

Rex shook his head. “This is that last time I tell you anything.”

“Like announcing your criminal tendencies?” asked Brian.

“Do we have an obligation to report this to the proper authorities?” mused Lynn.

“I’m not sure who that would be,” considered Brian. “In the meantime, we should leave before Rex starts confessing even more heinous crimes.”

“Like downloading movies,” said Lynn.

“I don’t think my heart could handle it,” said Brian.

Rex watched as the two left him alone in the lunch room. He put his head in his hands. “I think my life’s become a Salvador Dali painting.”

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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