Parental License

John and Cathy sat at the kitchen table for supper. It was their habit to spend time at the end of the day to catch up with each other.

“The Weavers had a baby,” announced Cathy.

“Who?”

“Jim and Beverly. You know, they’re friends of Ed and Natalie. We met them at the barbecue last summer.”

“Oh,” said John, with a mouth full of food.

“They had a girl. They named her Polly Esther.”

John choked. “You’re kidding.”

“What? I like the name Polly,” said Cathy.

“Okay, but Polly Esther? As in polyester? It’s like they named their kid after a cheap synthetic material.”

Cathy’s jaw dropped. “That’s terrible. Only you’d think of that. Besides, they’ll never use her middle name.”

John laughed. “It’s even better than I thought. She’s Polly Esther Weaver.”

“That’s enough. Forget it. I’m sorry I even brought it up,” chided Cathy.

“What’re these people thinking? They’re cruel.”

“No crueler than you’re being.”

“Yeah? Wait until she goes to school. Kids are brutal. They’re little savages.”

“Not all of them.”

“Maybe, but it doesn’t mean the parents should give them ammunition,” said John.

“They’re probably trying to be unique. That’s the fashion with baby names,” explained Cathy.

“Fine, then spell Polly with three L’s and a silent Q like every other moronic parent. Don’t name her after a factory job. What’ll they name their next kid? Dream?”

“Dream Weaver. Funny,” said Cathy, sarcastically.

“I’m just saying. A bad name can scar a person permanently. It’s like they don’t think these things through. They have to have a license to drive, but not to have children. It might spare the world a lot of problems if they did,” said John.

Cathy dropped her head. Her body convulsed as she sobbed. John’s cynical expression softened.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. “We’re gonna have a baby.”

John jumped to his feet and ran around the kitchen celebrating. “If it’s a boy, we’re gonna name him Arfaxad. If it’s a girl, Jezebel.”

Cathy began to chuckle. “You’re unreal. With names like those, they may start issuing parental licenses.”

John wrapped his arms around Cathy. “Then it’s a good thing we slipped in just under the wire.”