I was in Starbucks one day when a hipster and millennial sat at the table beside me.
“You look pleased with yourself,” said the hipster.
“I just finished preparing for my TED Talk,” replied the millennial.
“You’re giving a TED Talk?”
“Not exactly, but I figured it was a good idea to be ready. You know, once I’m asked.”
“Why would you be asked? They’re usually given by people who’ve actually accomplished something,” said the hipster.
“I know. I’m just what they look for,” replied the millennial.
“You work in the produce department at Walmart.”
“What’s your point?”
“Nothing. I just wonder what you’re gonna talk about,” said the hipster.
“Vision. Innovation. Propelling yourself forward with courage and energy. It’s also clever and funny, filled with personal anecdotes. One of the best TED Talks ever, if I do say so myself,” boasted the millennial.
“No doubt. I can’t wait to hear it. If you need anyone to practice on, let me know.”
“Actually, it isn’t quite finished yet.”
“When you finish writing it, I mean.”
“Well, I haven’t actually written anything. It’s more of an extemporaneous performance art piece,” said the millennial.
“I love those! That’s gonna be too good.”
“I know, right? It’s so on fleek,” said the millennial.
“Can’t wait. So, have you contacted the TED people?”
“No. I’m gonna let the buzz get to them first. Let the hype propel me forward.”
“Ingenious,” said the hipster.
“I’m so G.O.A.T., it’s about time the rest of the world figures it out.”
After listening to this, I openly wept for humanity.