Life Hacks


While stopping at Snootybucks for his daily cappuccino, Parker ran into his old friend Callum. They hadn’t seen each other since graduating from university. They both majored in sixteenth century Norwegian comparative literature.

“What’re you up to?” asked Callum. “Put your degree to good use?”

“Would you believe I went to trade school?” replied Parker.

“No way.”

“I did. I’m an electrician now,” explained Parker.

“Unbelievable,” said Callum.

“What about you?”

“Up until a month ago I was working at the Canadian embassy in Norway,” said Callum.

“You’re joking.”

“You wouldn’t believe the doors that opened,” said Callum.

“I’m impressed.”

“Don’t be. I left. Something was missing, you know? Fulfillment and stuff,” sighed Callum.

“So what’re you doing now?”

Callum pulled out a business card and handed it to Parker. It read ‘Life Hack Consultant’.

“Never heard of such a thing,” said Parker.

Callum beamed. “I’m a pioneer. A pioneer in helping people.”

“Very noble of you. So, what do you do exactly?”

“I expense wisdom of the modern age,” announced Callum.

“Like what?”

Callum looked around anxiously. “I don’t wanna give away too many trade secrets, but for you, why not?”

“You’re too generous.”

“Take practical grooming for example. Do you hate shaving? Mix hair removal lotion with your shaving cream. You won’t have to shave half as often,” explained Callum.

“I, um, hadn’t thought of that before.”

“That’s what makes me an expert. And what if you’re too rushed to brush your teeth in the morning? Replace the filling in Oreos with toothpaste. The cookie bits scrub your teeth as the toothpaste does it’s job. Those are just a couple of small tips. I don’t want to give away any of the big stuff.”

Parker rolled his eyes. “What could be bigger than those?”

Callum chuckled. “You twisted my arm. Here’s a sure way to know if someone’s lying.”

“Okay,” said Parker, hesitantly.

“Poke them.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Liars hate being poked. It’s a little known fact.”

“I bet it is,” said Parker.

“It’s astonishing how few people know that. So, what do you think? I’m on to something, right?”

Parker struggled to find the right words. “This may not be the best career choice for you.”

“Why not?” asked Callum. His expression was sincere shock.

Parker winced. “I’m not sure you have a good handle on life hacks.”

“What’re you trying to say? You don’t have to sugarcoat it. Tell me what you mean,” pressed Callum.

Parker acquiesced. “They’re stupid. Anybody who follows your advice is sure to ruin their lives.”

Callum’s eyes grew wide. Hurt and anger and suspicion swept across his face in waves. After a few seconds, he poked Parker.

“Ow! What’d you do that for? That hurt.”

Callum smiled. “I knew you were lying. Don’t take it too hard. A lot of people are jealous of my ideas. I forgive you. No worries. Any how, gotta go help the world. Call me some time.”

As Callum left, Parker wondered what just happened.

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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2 Responses to Life Hacks

  1. Anthony Trudgian says:

    At least the poor fellow always looks on the positive side….reminds me of “The Griswalds”

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