Pistachios: A Parable of Modern Discourse


“I think pistachios are the most maligned of all the nuts,” announced Seth.

“Random Man strikes again!” proclaimed Khalif.

“Are pistachios a nut? I didn’t know that,” added Landon.

“What did you think they were?” asked Khalif.

“I dunno. I never thought about it before,” replied Landon.

“That’s my point exactly. Unappreciated,” concluded Seth. He pounded his fist on the table.

“Wait a minute. That proves nothing. I can’t tell you the last time I thought about Brazil nuts. Does that make them unappreciated, too?” asked Khalif.

“Sure, but not as much as pistachios,” replied Seth.

“I think I see your point,” said Landon. “Pistachio ice cream is the worst.”

“Landon, that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about,” snapped Khalif.

“Besides, everyone knows the worst ice cream is rum and raisin,” said Seth. He cringed as he spoke.

Khalif shrugged his shoulders in disbelief. “Seriously? You’re both wrong. The worst ice cream is peanut butter. That stuff can actually kill people.”

The other two erupted.

“Have you lost your mind?” asked Seth.

“What’s the matter with you? Peanut butter is awesome,” replied Landon.

“Not for people with peanut allergies,” said Khalif.

“Like that’s the peanut’s fault,” said Landon.

“Yeah, it is,” scoffed Khalif.

“Peanuts don’t kill people. People kill people,” declared Landon.

“What does that even mean?” hollered Khalif.

“If you don’t understand it, then I can’t explain it to you,” dismissed Landon.

Khalif threw up his hands. “This is stupid. I can’t handle this. I give up.”

Seth folded his arms and smiled. “You could’ve avoided all of this if you just agreed with me in the first place.”


About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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