The Job Interview


Derwin waited nervously in the boardroom when a man dressed in a suit entered. He carried files and a notepad. The two shook hands and sat across from each other.

“Thank you for coming in. My name is Claude Roger and I’m stepping in for Human Resources,” said Claude.

“I appreciate the opportunity,” replied Derwin.

“Excellent. Let’s get started, shall we?” asked Claude. He opened a file and set his notepad down.

“Sounds good,” said Derwin.

The smile on Claude’s face melted into thoughtful consideration. “Was the worst thing you’ve ever done also the funniest thing you’ve ever done?”

Beads of sweat formed on Derwin’s forehead. “I hope you’re not asking me to confess to any crimes,” he joked.

“Was the worst thing you’ve ever done a crime?” came the unflinching response.

Derwin’s voice raised and octave. “No,” he said.

Claude’s expression softened. “Okay, what was it?”

“I was young and stupid, just keep that in mind,” said Derwin.

“Go on.”

“I duct taped a cat’s paws. It was funny at the time, but after we got in trouble we realized how mean it was. It was a stupid thing to do,” explained Derwin.

“Interesting,” said Claude. He wrote stoically on his notepad. “Okay, besides a house or a car, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever purchased?”

Derwin breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s easy. My education.”

“You purchased your degree?” asked Claude.

“It certainly wasn’t free, and I have the student loans to prove it,” said Derwin.

Claude wrote down another note. “If you were a vegetable dip, what flavour would you be and why?”

“Wow, that’s tough.”

“Take your time,” said Claude.

“I only know a few different kinds,” said Derwin.

“That should make things easier,” replied Claude.

At that moment the door opened and another man entered. He looked around the room in shock.

“Claude, what’re you doing?”

Claude smiled. “Just helping the team.”

“You’re the janitor,” said the other man.

“The what?” asked Derwin.

The real Human Resources person grabbed a sheet from Claude. “Where did you get my questions?”

“Those are real?” asked Derwin.

“Of course,” said Claude. “We take your employee decisions seriously.”

Derwin gathered himself and moved toward the door.

“Where are you going?” asked the real HR person.

“I’ve just decided, I don’t want to work for CrazyCorp,” replied Derwin, then he closed the door behind him.

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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