The Last Will and Testament of a Last Minute Christmas Shopper


(This was discovered scrawled on the back of a sales receipt near the body of a man found in the mall parking lot after a riot of shoppers on December 24th:)

I, John Mortimer Percy, of sound mind, bequeath all of my last minute purchases to their intended recipients. For my wife, Janice, I leave a high capacity bread warmer. It is the perfect relief from unwanted stale pastries, according to the sales lady. May it bring practical comfort. For my son, Jethro, I leave the complete works of William Shakespeare. I know you prefer video games, but that rots your brain. Reading is better for you. Pick up a book once in a while. For my daughter, Janice, I leave a festive holiday cheese slicer. I only remembered after I bought it that you are lactose intolerant. Sorry. It’s the thought that counts.

May these gifts, purchased with love and desperation, be warmly received. I regret the foolishness of starting my Christmas shopping so late. That decision alone may place in question the soundness of my mind. As I reflect on it, the gifts I’ve chosen don’t help my cause much, either.

Please know that I love you, that my last thoughts were of you all, and my dying wish is that you caught my hints and bought me the phone I always wanted.

Your loving husband and father,
John Mortimer Percy
December 24, 2018

Merry Christmas!

About vanyieck

There is nothing about me that is more interesting than you. I am a man. I have a wife and family. I have a career. I have two dogs. I
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6 Responses to The Last Will and Testament of a Last Minute Christmas Shopper

  1. Pat says:

    Only did that once but never thought of the will part. Great idea. Merry Christmas.

  2. atrudgian76 says:

    I wonder if they returned the phone? That’s harsh!!

    Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

  3. cat9984 says:

    Was possibly killed by an employee after complaining repeatedly that all the stuff he really wanted was gone.

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